Friday, July 27, 2012
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."-Amy Bloom
Once upon a time a man and a woman met.
Fell in love.
Were even happier.
Stress no longer was part of their lives.
It ruled it.
Professional, financial, psychological and emotional.
Special needs, unmet needs and uncared needs.
Who are we they asked themselves?
Who am I? The wife asked herself.
Because no matter how much dedication a woman gives her man, her children and her friends...It's not enough.
That's what she thinks.
Then comes a little distraction which makes her feel alive again.
Not just alive.
Desired. Attractive. Interesting. Enough.
No need to work on anything.
No need to worry about being enough.
She feels listened to...Valued. But most importantly? Enough.
Maybe a little too much at times.
My guess is that when a woman never feels good enough at home, charming blue eyes can easily make it's way in.
After all, too much wins over not enough.
The truth is we all want to live happily ever after.
But to say, and believe, we are above the pits and falls of domestic routine is to lie.
Because once upon a time the man and the woman above had butterflies.
Had eyes only for one another.
The divorce rates are scary.
Scarier than ever.
Some might say it's because people are lazy and don't want to work.
Some might say marriage is no longer sacred.
Others might even think it's just a Big sham.
But, we the ones who work hard, believe it is sacred and genuine, are committed.
Men might be from Mars.
And women from Venus.
But we all want to feel fireworks.
Man Candy will do that.
With no real pressure, no tantrums and all the time in the world.
No need for a babysitter, a scheduled date or time constraints.
Man Candy will listen. Nod his head. Even ask questions.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Mothers are conditioned to believe that priorities, rules and routine are the only way.
Make everyone happy first.
The problem lies when a mother has put herself on a shelf too long...Not only does she become a clearance item at some point, but she can become THE cheap object of another's budget.
A budget that includes entertainment, hobbies and "other".
Having been on the shelf for too long, she can easily become a bargain item to someone while she was the most prized one all along...But didn't feel it.
Man Candy is just that.
A potential harmful substance that can cause decay, an upset stomach and a serious crash.
To crash is not the end of happily ever after.
To crash is to learn, grow and move on.
For better or for worse was the promise.
And unlike candy, which gives you a temporary high, a promise holds your hand...Until The End.
Happily every after?
But committed ever after?
Posted by Elissa at 10:11 AM
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Domestic engineering full-time? Always.
Earned my Bachelor's? Successfully.
Continued to advocate, facilitate, animate and support? At home...Not in the classroom.
And the playground.
Attempts to re-enter the work force? Desperate hopes for normalcy tainted by transportation and daycare issues. Fun times.
There comes a time in everyone's life when one needs to take a step back and refocus.
While perseverance, determination and motivation usually lead to positive results,sometimes they do not.
What I have learned as a mama is this:
Trying hard, perhaps the hardest you have ever tried...Does not equal success.
Being the mom of twin boys with special needs whom I have tried my hardest to shape into "just typical" boys is proof.
Pursuing unachievable goals does not mean the pursuit of happiness.
The trick to master this Game called Life is to stop at the red light that is chaos and merge towards: Sanity.
Sanity does not always equal being the perfect mom.
Sanity does not always equal the perfect home.
Sanity dos not always include the perfect relationships.
Sanity does not always equal the perfect dream career.
Merging does not mean a cul-de-sac is ahead.
Merging can simply mean a different route.
A route packed with new views, sights and passengers.
Sometimes the new route can look like a healthy Lifestyle.
Sometimes a spiritual shift.
Sometimes a change of heart.
Or a change in careers.
Just because you carefully planned your trip does not make wasting your time in traffic any better.
A jam is a jam.
According to Buddhism:
"Wisdom is to keep an open mind rather than being closed-minded, listening to other points of view rather than being bigoted; to carefully examine facts that contradict our beliefs, rather than burying our heads in the sand; to be objective rather than prejudiced and partisan; to take time about forming our opinions and beliefs rather than just accepting the first or most emotional thing that is offered to us; and to always be ready to change our beliefs when facts that contradict them are presented to us. A person who does this is certainly wise and is certain to eventually arrive at true understanding".
I might not be the Wisest mama on the block but I am wiser.
Not for knowing more.
But for merging towards sanity...Rather than circling through insanity.