Sunday, March 18, 2012
TMM; Week 3: Secure Mom: Who's afraid?
Chances are if you have been reading this Blog you are well aware of my fears as a Mother.
Fear of messing up.
Fear of losing my patience.
Fear of being a less than positive role model.
Fear of loneliness.
Fear of a scooter, a 1:1 room the size of a closet and no birthday invites.
Fear of..Not being good enough.
But here's the good thing about fear, you have 2 choices:
You can either let fear consume you and cloud your being or you can face it, understand it, tackle it and dare I say...Move on.
The most consuming fear of mine has been that my boys were different.
And this coming from a Special Educator who's love for differences fueled her passion for the world of Special Needs.
When it became crystal clear to me of what my real fears were: Rejection and Judgement, I mustered all the courage I had and wrote an e-mail to family and friends letting them in on our real struggles as a family.
Communication and Social deficits trumping every part of our lives rather than just being part of our lives.
After all, everyone experiences these deficits to a certain degree...We might just have to navigate ours with Boardmaker, visual aids and reinforcement. Lots and lots of positive reinforcement.
The response I received from friends and family has been instrumental in my healing as a mom who was afraid.
I am no longer afraid.
Instead I am encouraged, supported and confident that my role as a mom to my boys is not only good enough...But the Best I can be.
"Fear can keep you from experiencing so much of Life and no one knows fear like a mother...Motherhood means going from a linear existence to a life of extremes-extreme certainty and extreme confusion, extreme bliss and extreme fear. And nothing can immobilize us faster than fear" (p.99).
One minute I am breastfeeding my boys at the same time at the hospital lookin' like a Rock Star, the next minute I am crying hysterically holding 2 crying infants who can't latch.
One minute I am comforting a colicy screeching infant, the next minute I can't breathe as I am panicked by the intrusive thoughts an overtired and hormonal mother experiences.
One minute I am scheduling a playdate with 3 other twin moms, the next minute I am canceling because I find myself comparing my boys over and over again and it hurts too much.
"Name your fears, start doing some research. When you begin educating yourself, you will probably find that the worries you deal with are not founded in reality but in your imagination. By feeding your mind real facts, you will lessen the impact of this fear on your life as well as establish a positive way to deal with your fears effectively" (p.101).
Now that I have stopped comparing, I not only see similarities experienced by other moms challenges but I understand we are all navigating this Journey called Motherhood the Best we can...And that is Simply just Good enough...Period.
"As a mom you will never be without worries, so embrace your fears. Fear is good for us when it propels us into positive and productive action" (p.102).
Knowing that I am not the only one with fears is half the battle...Bringing awareness and compassion to mothers through this Blog is the other.
"It's not a storm, a job loss, poor performance in school that is scaring us. It's what we don't know what to expect on the other side" (p.103).
Again we have 2 choices: We can become paralyzed by the Unknown...Or we can take dig through what the fear is really about and believe, even if it's faking it at first, that this is where we are supposed to be.
Not in the "Oh Well, Life is Life" way but in the "Is there anything I can do to ease my fear? If there is, where do I start...believing?".
"When you get down to the most basic truth, none of us has any idea what the next moment of life holds. We must learn how to be comfortable with not knowing...It's embracing the unknown, not controlling it, that should be your primary focus" (p.104).
The Buddha's writings on Impermanence reflect a powerful truth that has been constant in my own Life.
Everything changes..Nothing stays the same.
And although this has not always been the case (many times), I see now how this is a Good thing: Change means transformation...Transformation means growth...Growth means Empowerment.
Week 3: Day 1, Daily exercises (p.105)
1. In your journal, write down the fears that you are currently struggling with and next to them write down a plan of attack for facing that fear. How can you apply action in order to reduce your anxiety?
2. Look over your fears and consider how much time and energy they have robbed from you because of unnecessary worrying and unproductive anxiety.
Happy Week 3!
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Posted by Elissa at 6:03 AM