Wednesday, March 14, 2012
The Baby Story Crasher.
I have always been know for ruffling feathers.
In fact, I am fairly efficient at pissing people off when I open my mouth and defend my political, religious and sexual views.
My mom once told me NEVER talk about sex, politics or religion at work, or anywhere public really.
Openly express my views on Bush? Done.
Defend gay rights? Ditto.
O.J. Simpson? Guilty.
Children's sex scandals in the church? You bet.
But perhaps the most ruffling I have yet caused, in my opinion, has been to openly talk about my boys possible ASD: Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Let me be clear: My boys are energetic, fun loving, spirited, engaged and charming Wild Things.
Who started to talk at 3 and a half, can't focus for more than 3 seconds, have what looks like "ants in their pants" and who run. Run, run, run.
My boys will NEVER be odd enough to not attend regular school, play with friends they will hopefully make (Thomas the train interest required!) or to not say "Please", "Thank You" and "May I be excused".
NOTE: This is NOT because I am better than the other parents out there who can't make these things happen. It is because my boys can process good manners to a certain degree and I used my professional background to my advantage: I made visuals.
Sometimes, these visuals do NOT work. Like on Sunday when L crashed into L AGAIN on his bicycle and I lost my patience. After the guilt came the tears, and more tears which prompted me to write to friends and family about our struggles and what we are dealing with.
See after losing my patience I realized perhaps the biggest fear I was carrying around in my heavy heart was that others might judge us.
To judge us they would have to acknowledge us and for some...This is too painful.
Picture a bride-to-be whose best friend just found out her husband is divorcing her for another woman. Bride-to-be might be all bright eyed and bushy tailed but deep down she is thinking "Can this happen to me too? Is marriage really what it is cracked up to be? They were so perfect for each other...What if this happens to us?"
The same happens when a child is sick, disabled...or different.
"Can this happen to us? My child?"
"Why is this happening? How could have this happened?"
Some offer heart felt thoughts.
Others offer encouragement.
Some offer personal experiences as hope, and proof, that it will get better.
Others offer straight talk as in "This sucks! But I am here for you!"
And some can't offer anything.
Not a note.
Not a generic message.
Not even a simple "I don't know what to say".
Not because they don't care.
Not because they have better things to do.
Because I crashed the Baby Story they desperately hung to all these years.
Healthy Twin pregnancy.
More than healthy newborn twins.
Healthy babies who rolled over, crawled, cruised and walked ON TIME.
Healthy toddlers who walked, ran and laughed ON TIME.
Social and Communication deficits? Let's blame it on the fact they are boys, twins, bilingual and had too much fluid in their ears before the tubes were put in.
Boys will be boys.
Twins are different.
When you are surrounded by other twins who aren't so different and when EVERYTHING from dressing,eating, following directions, safety, brushing teeth, not sleeping and social and communication difficulties overlap your entire day...It's not a twin thing. It's not a bilingual thing. And it' not an ear fluid thing.
It's a L&L thing.
Life is unpredictable and some things can't be controlled.
I realize I might have crashed the perfect baby story to my loved ones.
But one thing I cannot crash is this:
L&L are 2 of the happiest, spirited and attaching little boys one can meet.
This is NOT a sad story.
Just a story which can be interpreted in our own way: Embrace it or choose to ignore it, it will be an interesting, challenging, fun, cringing, never ending story.
Just like everyone else's.
Posted by Elissa at 9:07 AM