I do. Again.

7 years ago today I said, I do.
I promised to love and cherish until death to us part.
I promised to honor my husband in good times and bad.
And I promised to obey him.
Just kidding.

Is it me or was 2011 the year of Hollywood weddings gone wrong?

The most obvious was the Kardashian wedding, which yes I watched, ending after 72 days.
Sinead O'connor & Who-the-hell-cares: 16 days.
Jesse James couldn't keep his greasy hands off tatooed biker chicks, again, which inked the deal with Kat Von D.
J Lo & March Anthony: Terminar.
Speaking of the Terminator, Arnold & Maria= Collateral Damage.
Poor 80 something Hugh Hefner got the Runaway Bride treatment by 20 something Crystal Harris. Guess even the velvet robe can rub one the wrong way.
Georges Lopez ended his marriage with his wife of 17 years and a Kidney shared together. One would think a kidney would stamp the "Happily ever after" deal.
Frasier and Camille: All done and dragged out over and over again on the RHWOBH. Thank God for Bravo.
Zac Effron & Vanessa Hudgens found out it's not all fun and games after High School.
Not even the red Kabbalah string could keep Demi & Ashton together.
Even Chaz ended his engagement before actually walking down the aisle!

Yet.
All of the above have all the money, power, fame & security in the world.
No worries about making ends meet.
No worries about "Me" time, "Couple" time or "family vacation" time. They have all the money, resources and nannies they need.
But.
They fail.
Maybe they have too much time on their hands.

However this post isn't about how celebrities can't live happily ever after.
This post is for the rest of us, mortals with cellulite and over the credit limit, who walked down the aisle and are still going.
For those of us who said "I do" and ended up wondering at one time or another "Do I?", "Should have I?" and sometimes "Who am I? Who are we?"
The truth is this:
When you say I do, You really have no idea of what you are committing yourself to.
Life is unpredictable, unfair and scary.
Life is also surprising, beautiful and exhilarating.
Just not necessarily in that order.

If I could have seen the future on this day 7 years ago, I would have ran faster than Julia Roberts ran from commitment in the 90's.
But.
I wouldn't have experienced all the Joy and Surprises I have lived through with Big Daddy.
Big Daddy,
I do.
Again.

Namaste xox

Pampered to Lose...Part Deux!

The Following post was written back in February of 2011...


Pampered...To lose.
I came across this amazing Blog today called http://www.shoestolose.com and thought how motivational to combine your love of shoes and weight loss goals. I read that this blogger felt that 60 pounds was scary so she focused on 6 goals of 10 pounds each...So much more achievable!
So I am taking her lead (Thanks Shoe gal :) and aiming for MY 6 goals as well...

Note: You all know how much I LOVE shoes but since this New Journey is the path to self-discovery and self-fullfillment, I thought I would choose my goals honoring My Journey.

1. 10 pounds: 90 minute Hot stone Massage here: http://www.sundaradayspa.com

2. 20 pounds: Hair cut, color and style

3. 30 pounds: One half-day at the Spa here: http://www.scandinave.com/en/montreal

4. 40 pounds: One shopping day back home in Montreal to find a new dress to go with new shoes and enjoy a Martini here: http://www.jellomartinilounge.com

5. 50 pounds: One full day at the Spa here: http://www.spa-eastman.com/en/eastman

6. 60 pounds: Jump out of a plane to celebrate THE NEW ME!


Here we go!

Elissa xox


The old me: "I knew I couldn't do it! I am fat, ugly and should just quit!"

The new me: "Super frustrated I never hit the 30 pound weigh loss mark....I worked so damn hard! But I lost 25 pounds. 25 pounds of sweat and tears on the elliptical, in the Yoga studio and at Zumba....Now I have 35 pounds to go...Better than 60!"

Not going to lie. Or sugar coat it.
I have been frustrated, angry and there has been some collateral damage...Just ask the scale.
There has also been confusion...Eat back exercise calories or not? Cardio versus weight training? And so much more I care NOT to revisit.

This is what I know.
Drink water.
Eat what you want just not when you want it all the time...
Don't believe the elliptical or the scale.
Eat when you are hungry NOT when you are sad, lonely, bored, angry or overwhelmed.
Don't go grocery shopping when you are hungry.
If you know you will the entire box, bag or container...Don't buy it.
Journal EVERYTHING.
The Good, the Bad& The Ugly...

This is a Journey...NOT a diet. A Lifestyle Change not a quick fix.

Besides..A quick fix quick to crumble...A Journey is not.


So here are the New Goals for 2012:

30 pounds: Half-day at the Spa!

40 pounds: Zumba pants!

50 pounds: Photoshoot a la Dita Von Teese ;)

60 pounds: JUMP. JUMP RIGHT OUT OF THAT PLANE AND SCREAM: "I DID IT!"

Before...

After

Namaste xox

TMM: Week 2, Day 3: Cut the Clutter

"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful"
-William Morris (p.72)

Note: Clutter NOT hoarding is what this post is about...If you cannot walk from one room to the next without tripping over old creepy discheveled one eye dolls or step into Fifi's poopoo...click here...




If on the other hand you are like me, and millions of other mamas whose microwaves are piled with bills, still have some of Jane Fonda's VHS tapes (the ones with the warm-ups where she would yell out: "FEEL THE BURN LADIES!") and are simply overwhelmed by papers, pictures and toys...Lots of toys...This post is for you!


"You probably don't have to worry about whether or not you have a roof over your head. But how you care for your home makes a huge difference in your life. It affects your health, your spirit, and your entire outlook. And when you surround yourself with clutter and mess, it eventually begins to invade your personal life. In order to maximize your abilities and reach your potential, you need to begin with a clean and clear state. And that starts in your home" (p.72).

"Clutter is toxic, It can zap your energy and your peace of mind in one fell swoop. So roll up those sleeves and let's get started" (p.72).

Try to reach the sugar in the cupboard and get hit with a sippy cup...The boys are now 4 and a half. Boys feel warm and seem to have a fever...Can't find the thermometer (But did find that mascara I was looking for!). Want to create a scrapbook...Can't find my bin. Looking for the "missing-sitter's-can't-believe-she-deleted-her-care.com-account resume's? Nada.
Believe me when I say it's not that I like the clutter....My problem is that I do get rid of it only to stumble on it again...And again.

The Clutter Questions
"Many of us are guilty are devoting too many of our precious resources to the care and keep of clutter. You can waste resources on useless things like clutter, or you can use them to reach your goals and the the best mom you can be. Before you let another day go by with stacks of papers on the counters and piles of clothes in your closets, ask yourself a few questions: Do you have the time for clutter? Do you have the money for clutter? Do you have the room for clutter? Do you have the energy for clutter? Do you have the attitude for clutter?" (p.74).

No time, no money, no room and no attitude for clutter. Clutter is like credit...The less mindful you are with it, the bigger it slaps you in the face. Ouch.

Plan of Attack
"If you need to de-clutter your house, then make sure you do it right. If you dive in head first without a clear plan of attack, you are probably going to be left with a bigger mess than the one you started with" (p.75).

Kinda like when you vow to follow the South Beach Diet's phase 1 but failed to get eggs, cheese and almonds. By noon you are vandalizing the kids advent calendar. Not that I would know.

Collect your Tools
"You will need four containers- one for trash, a second for donations, a third for "put away" items and a fourth for "I can't part with it yet"(p.75)

Select one project at a Time
" Don't just start grabbing at stuff. Select the one area you will work on, such as a closet or drawer and make sure you adequate time to complete it. I know distractions are inevitable, especially with little ones around, but try to zero in on your target and keep working until you are finished" (p.76).

Don't handle something more than Once
"This is a trick that works wonders...When you pick something up, put it in one of the containers with no rest stops in between" (p.76).

Put everything where it Belongs
"Put the items that belong somewhere in the house in their proper places. And if there are any items that you feel you just can't part with, box them up, label them, and stick it in your garage, attic or somewhere out of the way. Not put a note on the calendar four months from now from that date to go back to the items int he box. If you have been fine that long without them, you don't need them-try to make yourself sell them or give them away" (p.76).

Reward yourself
"Give yourself a treat for a job well done...Eliminating clutter is hard work, and you should reward your efforts" (p.76).

Keep the Cycle Going
"Clutter in, clutter out...THis wil be your new mantra....Clutter is sneaky. It's mischievous.It will find ways to creep in without your consent" (p.76).

"So let the march continue. Let the clutter come in, and then march it right back out again...It's a clutter cycle. Just make sure you keep the cycle going" (p.77).

Week 2, Day 3: Daily exercises (p.77).

1. In your Journal, divide your home into zones. Try not to go over 6 zones or it will become too much to keep up with....Give yourself one zone a week in which to do some serious de-cluttering. Remind yourself by writing the zone on a calendar with a big number in each Monday, and post a little chart next to it that lists your zone. It may feel a bit regimented, but it is an easy plan that will help you make a lit of progress. After you finish all the zones, the cycle begins again.

2. Use today, tomorrow and the week-end to begin de-cluttering your first zone. And remember to reward yourself with something extra special.

3. Practice Action Skill#5: Build It in Blocks. When you begin tackling that first zone, practice some of the block party tips, such as the 10 minute Tidy, where you only de-clutter for 10 minutes and then take a break.


Happy De-cluttering!

Namaste xox

TMM:Week 2, Day 2: Sensational SEX!

...Sex is a basic need that all of us have. Unfortunately, moms live such a crazy life tat this very basic need often gets neglected. After a full day of sweeping up Cheerios, changing diapers, trucking back and forth to the soccr fieldd, scrubbing toilets, and tying to sqeeze back into your pregnancy jeans, the last thing you want to do is don a feathered negligee and do a little striptease for your husband" (p.63).
Not only is sex a basic need but is so important that when it is good, it becomes 10% of the relationship...And when is bad, becomes 90% of the relationship. Yet..There are days when the ONLY thing I want is SPACE. JUST "ME" SPACE. The problem is when there is too much "Me" Space between the two, the "Us" space becomes a thing of the past...Almost like a mirage in the desert: You see it...You like what you see...You crave it...But you just can't reach it.

"Not only do you need to have this pleasure in your life, but you also deserve it. A healthy sex life will enrich your mariage, your health, your life, and even yur mothering (a satisfied mommy is a happy mommy) (p.63).
Hmm....THAT wasn't in "What to expect when you are expecting", now was it?
Deserve....A forgotten word in Mommy Land...Most moms I know seem to feel so guilty for "deserving" anything...Some time off, some help around the house, some time with friends, a new pair of Manolo Blahniks (Hey! It could happen!) that the thought of mind blowing off the charts orgasm is simply off the list....Time for another list perhaps?

"...Unfortunately, it's not always easy for moms. We have three primary obstacles that stand in our way: Lack of opportnity, lack of drive, and lack of confidence. Work through these areas, and your sex-kitten days are back" (p.63).
Obstacle #1: Twin A. Obstacles #2: Twin B. Obstacle #3: Twin A&B together. When you both feel like failures as none of the parenting strategies are succesfull, both mom and dad lose their confidence which I believe makes it just that more dificult to unite in the bedroom...As clearly the percived parenting failures have damaged the Unity.


Lack of opportunity
"It was so much easier before the kids ame along. You didn't have to worry about barricading your door or muffling the screams of pleasure. But here you are with little ears, little eyes, and little bodies crawling through the house" (p.64).
Food for thought: I have often wondered what is the most damaging to a child: Hearing mom and dad scream during the oukydooky or hearing mom and dad scream at each other because there is no oukydouky...Thoughts?

Special times for intimacy
"Sex on the fly, Date night, turndown service, wake-up service: The important thing about finding opportunities for intmacy is to get your prioroties straight. Wathcing television or getting caught up with your scrapbooking may be easier, but it is not going to build a happy and healthy mariage. Seek moments through the day and night to be intimate with you husband" (p.65).
GULITY!
Evening routine has become tragic: Big Daddy lies down on the couch surfing the tv, and falls asleep, while mama is on her lap top Facebooking, TMZ'ing, MyFitnessPaling, finding out what-Britney-Lindsay-or-Paris are doing (Bring back the drama ladies!!)....Basically spending time with strangers...Like I said: Tragic. Sigh. Perhaps the most tragic? The thought of "surprising
my husband in a corner somewhere,commando, asking him to help me with "so and so" makes me laugh harder than a Jim Carrey did in Ace Ventura. The tutu-wearing-pych-patient-football-scene...Yep: Tragic it is.

Lack of Drive
"Even when we do have the opportunity, lack of drive is something that all moms struggle with at one time or another. It's perfectly normal...Phases come and go, but there are some effective ways to help the slump pass" (p.66).
"Focus...CLEAR your mind, Communicate...Let him KNOW, Break the Monotony....Sprinkle some spice; Be careful about revealing your sex fantasies to your husband. Some are certainly safe enough, such as new places and new positions. But test the waters before you bring out the bike chains or ask him to dress up like Colonel Sanders. He may think you have had a meltdown. And some fantasies are best kept to yourself (you don't want to get caught screaming, "Oh, Brad Pitt!" during an orgasm)" (p.67).

It could be worse...You could break out Ronald MacDonald's yellow jumpsuit or scream out loud "Angie!"...Just sayin'!

Total Mom Tip: Strip it down and sex it up!
"Indulging in your sex fantasies is a great way to spice up a boring bedroom. After the kids have gone to bed, don some of your sexiest lingerie under your clothes and do a striptease for your husband (music and everything). But make sure the bedroom is locked- walking in on a stripper mom could take years of therapy to get over!(67).

Fantasy....



Reality...


'Nuff said!

Lack of Confidence
"A mom's self-esteem is a precious thing indeed. One day you're strutting your hot little self along the path of life. You pause for a moment to have a baby, or two or seven. The next thing you know you have boobs that could catch a strong wind and fly away and pounds of postpartum flab hanging from your abs. Confidence is a difficult thing to muster when your body looks better under the sheets than on top of them. But before you turn down all the lights during lovemaking, there are a few secrets you should know...Secret #1:You care more than he does....Secret #2: It's all about attitude..." (p.69).

AMEN. Sure men like to look at Playboy but guess what? THEY know it is ALL paint brushed...WE are the ones who need a reality check! Can you imagine If we put as much energy into pleasure as opposed to worrying "Can he see my cellulite from this angle?"? WOW.

Look Good Naked
"If body image is a problem, there are some sneaky ways to look better..." (p.69).

"Sunless tanning lotion...Manis&Pedis...Tousled hair...Skin Shimmer...Makeup...Aroma...Hairy issue..." (p.69).


Fantasy...

Let's just go with the Fantasy...Reality Bites!

Besides there's a little J-LO in all of us mamas...Just be sure to exfoliate and wash your hands if you are going to use some self-tanner and be prepared for a little discomfort if you do decide to head to "Brazil"...!


"...Little steps like these will help you build up your confidence, and his responses will encourage you to take it a few steps further. Sex isn't always pretty, but it can always be beautiful. Get over your body image and start enjoying yourself. And do not neglect this very important part of your life" (p.71).

Week 2, Day 2: Daily exercises (p.71)

1. in your journal, make a list of everything you love about your husband. Try to look past the grudges you may be holding or the negative qualities he may have, and search out this traits thats first attracted you to him. By focusing on the positive, you can lay the groundwork for sensational sex.

2. Spice up your lovemaking by adding a creative touch here and there. Do a striptease for him, buy some sexy lingerie, step into the shower with him, or bring a bowl of sliced oranges to bed.
You can even surprise him by hiring a sitter and spending the night at the hotel.

3. Practice action Skill#3: Have Fun. Find one unavoidable task that you don't enjoy, such as washing the car or cleaning the bathrooms. Now think creatively and come up with a way you can make it fun and try it out. Perhaps you and the kids can play with he hose while all of you wash the car, or you can clean the bathroom while the child is in the tub so you can accomplish the task while you enjoy spending time with her. You can even apply this skill to your sex life if you are suffering through a particularly bad dry spell. Is there a fantasy you like to play out with your husband? Go ahead-practice some boldness and try it out.

Namaste xox

P.S. In case you feel down for being in a slump...Remember it can even happen to Samantha Jones. Really.

TMM:Week 2, Day 1: Up your energy! Part Deux

1. In your journal, write down the things in your life that maybe be dragging you down...Find some solutions and start using them.

1) Boys still not able to sleep a full night...

Rotate with Big Daddy who will WALK the boys BACK to their beds: One night he is "on", the other I am "on". We now have a beautiful guest room where one can at least get a full night sleep.

2) Difficulty going to bed before 11 pm...
9 pm: Bedtime ritual: Bubbles, pyjamas and good book. NO EXCUSES.



2. Take some time today to straighten your bedroom.

DONE!

3. Practice Action Skill #7: Do it NOW. This week, make your bed as soon as you wake up. This small step will encourage you to maintain a pleasant environment in your bedroom. It's much more relaxing to turn down a bed at night instead of crawling into a messy one.


Dear Hannah,

i have a confession....The last time I made my bed was...Well...Actually I can't remember. I made my bed yesterday thinking "really?!"and then found myself more and more happy every time I walked by my bedroom thinking "Wow"! The best part? I ALMOST RAN TO BED LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I COULDN'T WAIT TO LIE DOWN IN WHAT LOOKED LIKE THE MOST COMFY BED I HAD EVER SEEN!

The most shocking part? I DID IT AGAIN THIS MORNING.

Sincerly,

The Domestic Engineer 2 twins xox

TMM:Week 2, Day 1: Up your energy!

Week 2: Basic Mom

"With the right tools in place, you will begin meeting your basic needs in the healthiest and most enriching ways possible, building a foundation for growth. You will learn how to eliminate toxins from your diet, clutter from your home, and boredom from your sex life. You will also develop your own inner fashinista and learn strategies to increase yur energy level" (p.8).

AMEN.

Day One: Up your energy!

"Welcome to Basic Mom week, where you start from the beginning to meet your basic needs in the healthiest way possible. You don't just want to survive. You want to thrive! And it begins right now"(p.55).

When the boys were infants I discovered the true meaning of survival. Eat, drink, sleep, even shower almost became a luxury. I would agree that is normal for every new mom of one, two or more babies...What I have found the most difficult is breaking the vicious cycle of survival which in my situation continues to spread havoc through regular lack of sleep. Nighttime sleep. Full night's sleep.

"If you don't get enough sleep, you feel lethargic, irritable, and disorganized...Today you are going to learn how to handle and conquer the energy crisis that is threatening so many moms" (p.55).

Hannah? Are you watching me?

Create a Sanctuary

"In order to squeeze in enough sleep, you need to make sure your bedroom is a restful environment...Remove the television...Clear out the clutter...Invest in some luxurious linens...Create a ritual...Use color to advantage..." (p.57).

Hire a night sitter. Just kidding.
The most challenging for me (And Big Daddy) has been that no matter what we have tried (all the above), we still cannot successfully sleep an entire night as the boys STILL get up. At least twice every night. And then manage to sneak in our bed when we finally are asleep, only to wake up like a pack of sardines in our King Size bed. One word: Survival.

Note:We have tried it all...Stickers, hershey kisses, bubbles, praise, lots and lots of praise the next morning to reinforce a full night sleep in their beds. Immediately walking them, no verbals, to their beds when they come to our bed, sometimes up to 10 times in a row. They fall asleep in their beds. AWESOME! But they don't stay in them. Not Awesome.

"Move your body: Lethargy breeds lethargy. When our lifestyles are sedentary, our energy levels sink, and then our lives become even more sedentary. It's a vicious lazy cycle. Break the cycle taking ten minutes to get your body moving. This enough time to jump-start your metabolism and wake up your mind" (p.57).

Well...My theory that I was born without a metabolism has now been confirmed. In the last year I have worked out on my elliptical, in the Bikram Yoga studio (currently on hiatus) and in the Zumba studio ALOT. ALOT, ALOT, ALOT. My mind is still not woken up. Sigh.

"Drink up! Our fatigue is probably coming from lack of sleep or is a just a result of being sedentary. Instead of eating, try reaching for a tall glass of ice-cold water. The cold water will wake up your body, and you don't have to worry about burning off the calories...Fatigue is usually the first sign of dehydration" (p.58).

Having an a-ha moment over here. Could it be possible that my over consumption of coffee is making me tired...As it surely dehydrates me?


"Go outside: Sometimes we just need to bathe ourselves in the sunlight to pick up the pace....You can even take it one step further by doing something energizing, such as sweeping off the porch or driveway, watering plants or pulling some weeds" (p.58).

It never ceases to amaze me how energized I feel when we are at my sister in law's who lives by the ocean. The weather makes it easy much more easier to be outside which affects my moods, my mind and my body.

"Squeeze in a nap: Sometimes when you feel sleepy the only left to do is to go to sleep. The problem with naps is that they can leave you feeling groggier than you were before. However this only happens when the nap lasts too long...When you wake up, you may be tempted to fall back asleep, but try to use some of the other techniques listed to help you wake up and get going" (p.59).

Napping has become an issue. A real problem. I can't go without them anymore. More on that later.

"Don't dine-Graze: Grazing not only helps you keep your energy level, it also helps you maintain a healthy weight. You feel constantly satiated, so you won't have the urge to overeat as hunger sets in" (p.59)

Agreed.

"Take your vitamins: People who live with high amounts of stress (bodily and emotional) often need B vitamin supplements to help keep their energy up. And personally, I cannot think of many more stressful jobs than motherhood" (p.60).

Must.Find.A.Good.B.Vitamin.Today.

"Breathe in energy: Doing a breathing exercise is a quick and easy way to pour energy into your body when you feel yourself slumping" (p.60).

Notice coffee, chocolate and more more coffee was not included? Time to learn how to breathe...As this mama is still out of breath!

"Tune in to your biorhythms: Schedule your low-activity tasks when you are wide awake so you don't have to worry about propping your eyes open with toothpicks. And when the energy begins to wane, you need to force yourself to do high-activity tasks, such as gardening or vacuuming, because these activities will help you boost your energy" (p.61).

HOURAY!!! Glad to find out I am not the only one to use toothpicks! In all seriousness, I sometimes wonder if my biorhythm has ran away with my metabolism..I am ALWAYS tired. Double Sigh.

Week 2, Day 1: Daily exercise (p.62)

1. In your journal, write down the things in your life that maybe be dragging you down...Find some solutions and start using them.

2. Take some time today to straighten your bedroom.

3. Practice Action Skill #7: Do it NOW. This week, make your bed as soon as you wake up. This small step will encourage you to maintain a pleasant environment in your bedroom. It's much more relaxing to turn down a bed at night instead of crawling into a messy one.


Happy makeover day!

Namaste xox

TMM: Week1 in Review!

“Life is not a race-but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you," "I love you," and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment.”
― Bonnie Mohn

Starter Mom: Check!

"You will learn how to develop a vision, how to make every motion and and moment count, how to speak your way to success, and how to develop a winning attitude" (p.8).

(Damn you Charlie Sheen for forever tainting the expression Winning...)

What went well...

Although my vision board was difficult to create, I found it incredibly inspiring to wake up every morning to an actual visual motivator almost like a guide coaching me for the day ahead. Piggy backing tasks turns out is one of my best talents...During week 1 I have been able to clean the car, fold and put away laundry, tidy up odds and ends while cooking, waiting for the kids at the bus stop, watching the boys and more!

What I found challenging...

Waking up earlier than the boys for "Me" time and getting the house ready for the next day the night before. The boys have difficulty falling asleep but none with getting up before 6 am...And when I do manage to get up before them, Twin B somehow senses it and finds me...Sigh. Another challenge was my tendency to think and speak negatively towards myself as a Mom and a wife. However I did find that by catching my thoughts and replacing them quickly, it did make a difference in my outlook and thus my productivity.

Example:

*Boys screaming, running and NOT listening to anything I say...After 3 times of telling them to stop and get undressed, dressed, sit down, eat, brush teeth, stay in bed, get in the car, ect...I LOSE MY PATIENCE AND I SCREAM. REAL LOUD. GREAT! NOW I AM PSYCHO SCREAMING MOM IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!*

Negative Me: " Obviously you did something wrong! Your kids can't even listen to you!Sure was easy to work with other people's kids, now was it? YOU are a failure!"

More Positive Me: " The boys are high energy. One is like Popeye, the other like spinach..Together: Indestructible Force. You are doing what you can and what is possible. Next time make sure you walk over to them, one at a time and at eye level and tell them (not ask) it is time to...They have made tremendous progress and more is to come. It will get easier Mama."


Next stop: Basic Mom!

Namaste xox

An open letter...

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

I have been reading a lot about Karma these days to try and understand why some have it all, some have nothing, some can't see they have it all and are miserable, some don't have much and are content and then the rest of us in the middle who feel blessed, bitter, happy and unhappy...All in one day.

A common idea about Karma is that for every thought, word and action, there is a consequence. For example, you smile at the overwhelmed mom at the grocery store who is juggling her kids, the cookie bag and the juice..And not only does she smile back but she nods as if to say "Thanks...You get it, don't you?". Chances are she will do the same later one and brighten someone else's spirit, just like someone did for you.

However, when someone cuts you off on the road; This small act of "disrespect" translates into a personal attack in which you will get even. A split second later you are filled with anger, resentment and the need for vengence. Chances are this person will do the same and ruin their day as well, just like someone did for you.

Pehaps this why we say "Karma is a bitch!"? That said if we think, talk and act like she is a Bitch...Then the Bitch will strike back. Over and over again. Ouch.

But Karma is not a bitch. The Ego is. The Ego who reacts to every single word or gesture and who thrives on it. The Ego loves to react because it is about ME, ME, ME AND ONLY ME.

Another common theory regarding Ego is that outflow determines inflow. This is a difficult one to accept and live by. But if we take the time to look around us, we see it is in fact a reality.

It is one thing to let the ego take the wheel and ruin your day over a stranger's actions (which might have not been intentional...But the Ego can't fantom this...It's all about ME!), but what about the times you let the Ego ruin not only your day, your drive or your night out...But relationships and friendships?

An unreturned phone call translates into an obvious declaration of disregard.
A misunderstanding becomes The End of laughter, closeness and loyalty.
An argument becomes the stamp that seals The End of The Road.
A road, although not always smooth, but always brought you back...Home.

I should know. I am guilty of it all.

I am sorry I didn't call back. Over and over again.
I am sorry I didn't put the time, energy and my heart into Us.
I am sorry I talked without thinking, acted without contemplating and reacted without taking the time to Stop.
I am sorry.

It would be easy for me to blame the lack of "outflow" to Motherhood. Although it certainly has not facilitated the abundance that was once my circle of Friends, looking back I wasn't always there. Even to some of were always there for me.

In the last 4 years (actually 3, the first is a blur), I am proud to say I have put my children First and don't regret any of it. Their needs, their well-being and their Joy.

And their speech, self-regulation and behavioral issues.
And their constant need for supervision and direction.
And their relentless all day energy and difficulty sleeping at night.


What I do regret is putting everyone Last.
My husband.
My Old circle of Friends which rests in a frame as a happy memory.
Members of My Family and my husband's when my Ego took charge.
And Myself.

Of course some circumstances and events can't be changed as The Writing was always on the Wall.
You can't force compatibility.
Nor can you force The Impossible.
The only option is to Reach out.


Reaching out is the First Step to balance out the inflow and the outflow.
Reaching out can be the Beginning of Another chance or it can be the Final stop at the destination called Friendship.

Expectations need to be left behind.
Besides...Actions are louder than words.

Namaste xox

Still here....

Not only am I still here but am still going strong on my "Total Mom Makeover". Decided to keep it a little more private for now (still traumatized by Le Bitchy Mom) but will give updates (with pics!) as I continue my Journey...

Another exciting development...I hit the 5,000 views on my Blog and plan on honoring my dream of writing a book...

Stay tuned ;)

Namaste xox