Note: With the last babysitter fiasco and Thanksgiving, this mama hasn't been consistent blogging every morning....However, I am still here and plan to be until the end!
Another note: I have decided to keep last day's exercise 2 private. I know what these statements are and this is why I have embarked on this Journey...
"Every mom has 24 hours in a day, so why is it that some can accomplish 10 or 20 times what others can?" (p.34).
Oh, the source of guilt of motherhood...For me anyway. When the twins were born, the mom next door was Super Mom. I mean...Super Super Mom. 3 extremely active boys, a pilot husband who was more often gone then present, a big house to keep up, an accountant career she performed at home and a side baking little buisness she did "on the side". Although her wardrobe consisted of mom jeans and sweatpants (nobody is perfect), her hair was always done...Her make-up was done...Hell her toes were even pedicured (by her of course as she was even budget swavy and would NEVER get a pedicure done when she could it at home..For the record...It looked great...Sigh).
And then there was me.
Hair scrunchie-maternity clothes still wearing-unable-to-conceive-how-anyone-could-have-time-to-apply-make-up-let alone have shiny red toes-I-lost-my-keys-again-let-the-phone-ring-trying-to-survive-mode...Mom.
Yes I had twin babies. Yes my husband was deployed. Yes my social network was in Canada. But if she could do it, why couldn't I? He husband was never there, her mom was in another state and she did it ALL. Looking fabulous (even in mommy jeans) nonetheless.
So I tried my best to do what she was doing. And then I crashed. Hard. And then the more guilty I felt, the more cluttered and disorganized my mind, my heart and my home became. In short, a real mess...fueled by mommy guilty.
"Task management for moms is vastly different from task managements for other professionals. We have to develop our minds to see little pockets of opportunity and take full advantage of them...We can take multitasking to an entirely new level, making it look more like an art form than a coping mechanism" (p.34).
Being the mom of multiples, a military wife and a former Autism interventionist, I am very proud to say that I am a professional multi-tasker...Making it look an art? Not quite.
Action skill #1: Piggyback your tasks
"Start looking for opportunities to piggyback and make the best use of those little pockets of time available to you throughout the day" (p.35).
Like when I clean the bathroom while the boys are playing in the bath, when I fold laundry and supervise the twins playing with play-doh/coloring/or/any other activity, when I empty the dishwasher while mac and cheese for the kids and a tofu stir-fry for mom and dad is on the stove and finish the dishes all the while talking on the phone, when I am vacuuming while teaching action words "push, pull, back and forth, get off, don't climb, don't jump". Wow Moms. We rock.
Action skill #2: Take baby steps
"One of the big fat rule of any improvement program is this: Never set yourself up for failure. If you bite off more than you can chew, there is a chance that you will spit it out and forget the whole idea. You eat a big salad one bite at a time. And you reach big goals one small step after another" (p.35).
Like getting up in the morning and planning to tackle the paper clutter, finish all the laundry ( including folding and putting away),scrapbook 4 years worth of the boys lives, catch up with friends on the phone bake some muffins and mop the floor. Result? Nap time after lunch.
"Some days you will feel like walking; other times you will run full speed ahead. But the most important thing to remember is to keep taking those baby steps, one at a time. Speed is not nearly as important as persistence" (p.36).
Or moping. Or naping. Or venting. Or realizing you are not Super Mom and that's ok. Besides, is it me or does she seem to enjoy happy hour every day...By 1 pm.
Action skill #3: Have fun
"When you love what you're doing, chances are you'll keep doing it...Life is way too short to hate what you do" (p.36-37).
The reality is that lots of people wake up every day dreading the day ahead. It is sad and unfortunate that living in a free country we are bound to unhappiness because we fear change...And have bills to pay. Having the courage to want to be happy takes a lot of balls. Period.
Action skill #4: Be selective
"One clever trick to making people think you do it all is to not do it all. JUst be selective and do the things that really matter..I know this sounds like odd advice coming from a professional homemaker, but if you can train yourself to do things imperfectly. you will learn to get things done more effectively. If you are only satisfied with perfection, then it is often hard to get motivated to complete a task. Don't try to do everything, just the things that really matter. Achieving success in life is as much about prioritizing as it is about getting up the gumption to go after your goals. If you're going to get the important things done, you've got to be able to let lesser things go" (p.38).
In this house, the kitchen and the bathroom are the more important things. The problem is the paper clutter, the laundry, the organization and my sanity...Although I feel like I am ALWAYS picking and tidying up and washing clothes..There are piles at the end of the day. Lots and lots of never ending piles that fuel mommy guilt all over again....Until I watch Horders.
Action skill: #5 Build It in blocks
"Getting started is the most difficult part of any task. Get past that,a nd the rest is a breeze. Blocks help you break down a job into bite-size chunks so you can dig right in. If you a stack of items to file, then set an activity block for yourself....Moms have a lot to do, but no one ever saif we had to do it in one fell swoop" (p.39).
Like working out. I don't think about it. I just hop on and go for it. If I think about when I will work out, it will be later. The next thing you know I will have a fabulous clothes hanger instead of an elliptical. So I just hop on it. Pretty much everyday. Need to hop on the mop.
Action skill # 6:Reward yourself
"The Total Mom knows that she's got to be good to herself. Reward your efforts and you'll be more likely to repeat the pattern. We're great with this when it comes to our kids: "You can go outside to play as soon as your room is clean" But in all honnesty, we never outgrow this little trick" (p.39).
Positive reinforcement. It works. I know it does. You would be surprised what some kids would do for an m&m, a tickle or lots and lots of bubbles. The issue is that when you have navigated Motherhood like a 4 year old navigates the toy store isle (frazzled, excited, anxious & unfocused), you forget what you truly like because you are just not yourself anymore. You have become "that" mother you thought you would never be and are tired. So, so tired. Even to take a shower...Let alone the bubble bath you used to dream about.
"Just because you are a mom does not mean that are serving a prison sentence. Your life is meant to be both productive and enjoyable. So give yourself plenty of treats along the way" (p.40).
Mmmm.....Treats.
Action skill #7: Do it Now
"If there is anything that needs to be done, then DO IT NOW. Don't waste any more time procrastinating and trying to come up with ecises to the dodge the inevitable" (p.40).
"Don't let work build up. Keep life manageable by chipping away at it here and there. When you procrastinate, all you do is waste valuable time that could be putting toward geting the job done...The longer you put if off, the bigger and more daunting the task becomes-and the smaller and less efective your drive and determination become. Don't let life tasks control you. Take control of them by doing it now" (p.41).
"Sometimes we even postpone enjoyable activites because of the effort required. But the effort is much larger in our imagination that it is in reality and the mimimum effort always pays yo back in huge returns...So do it NOW. If you are going to live a healthy, complete, and succesful life, then now is the time to take the necessary steps to make it happen. Don't put off living any longer" (p.41)
Procrastination. My secret talent. I can put the best of them to shame....But I can also get lots and lots of thing done as long as there is music, Sex and the City or Jersey Shore in the background. Hey...Even moms have guilty pleasures.
Week 1, Day 4: Daily exercises
1. "Write the titles Home, Health, Family, and Life in your journal and, underneath these titles, list specific ways you can apply some action skills to each area" (p.41).
2. "Now is the time to take action. You should have some type of system to keeo everything together- your schedule, your appointment calendat, and those endless lists thayt every mom keeps. Some moms use PDAs or day planners that can slip into their bags. Personally aia love using a 3 ring binder to hold my calendar sheets, grocery lists, and everything else I need to keep track of. My journal is the brain and my planer is the brawn, pushing and pulling my dreams into reality. Today, you need to give yourself the gift of a day planner if you don't already have one. Get a binder and download the Total Mom Makeover Planner sheets from the web to stick inside" (p.42).
Namaste xox
