Motherhood is the hardest job in the world. A selfless, 24 hour commitment without any praise for the most part combined with not much sleep, breathing room or simply just hanging out. Add the constant feelings of inadequacy, questioning and worry to the mix and Voila! you are well on your way into Motherhood... Then it can be no surprise that some of us "Crack".
Mothers like Andrea Yates. The Mother who drove her car in the water...With her 3 children. The Mother who left her infant in the trash only to be found later by a complete stranger...Alive. Countless others that paralyzed me as a new mom...Creating so much anxiety in me, hubby would sometimes find me on the couch late at night sobbing and trembling...
Why?
All I could think about was "If other mothers can crack, why wouldn't I?". The answer was simple: There was no guarantee I, or any other "good" mother wouldn't crack...And this alone was simply too terrifying to deal with.
But the good news was that I, unlike Andrea Yates & al, was "all there". Yes, a little frazzled, very anxious and overwhelmed at times but I did not see flames nor the devil and was able to call my mom or my husband when I didn't feel "right". Or my Therapist.
Perhaps these mothers were so far gone, so alone and so desperate...They Cracked. And for this I do NOT judge them.
Then came a young mom, appearing "all there" for the most part as she didn't suffer from any forms of postpartum depression, anxiety or psychosis. She even seemed incredibly calm and collected as she was escorted handcuffed to the county jail...
Because of my sensitivity to this type of news coverage, I turned off the television. Did not even Google her once. Then the trial started. New pictures and testimonies PROVING Casey Anthony was the LAST person seen with Caylee, NEVER reported her disappearance, was out partying while her daughter was MISSING and perhaps the most shocking off all; The possible use of chloroform to sedate her child so she could party like a Rock Star. Sick.
But this post is NOT to ramble about the Non-Guilty Verdict. This post is about how a "Mother" could leave her little baby girl behind. No, there is no proof she did in fact sedate her and placed her in her trunk so she could party, there is no proof that a lifeless little body decayed in her car, no proof that she ducked taped her little girl, put a heart shaped sticker on her little mouth and packed her in a plastic bag where she was thrown in a swamp...On the flip side there is no proof that little Caylee did die of accidental drowning and that a former police officer would cover up his grand daughter's death which might have been the result of incest between brother and sister whom molested his sister with his father....We will never know. NEVER.
But what we do know is that it took 31 days for Caylee's mother to report her disappearance. What we know is that for 31 days, a "Mother" who should have been frantic and knocking on every door to find her was partying. No where to be found. But the Bars, Lounges and "hot body" contests. And getting a tattoo : "Bella Vita"..."A beautiful life"...
Lifestyle choices are NOT the issue here, a dead little girl is.
Any good mother simply doesn't think much of you complaining about Caylee...Of wanting to "get out" and "have fun"...Of "needing a break"...We have ALL engaged in some complaining and venting about motherhood. We get it. And being a young single mom is even extra difficult. We can sympathize with your "cabin fever" which could have led to some poor decision making. But.
A little girl DIED a HORRIFIC death because the ONE person who was suppose to care, comfort, keep her safe and warm...FAILED her.
Miss Anthony, if you are innocent of your little girl's murder, why did you NOT notify the authorities when she went missing? Why weren't you FIGHTING for Caylee? Why did you let 31 days pass until you finally had to speak up? Why was she so unsafe under your care that she ended her life in such tragedy?
And if you are really guilty, then you will stumble again...Harder. And get what you deserve.
Mothers simply can NOT fathom a "Mother" who would view her life as a "Beautiful" one when her child is missing...or left to die.
“To sin is a human business, to justify sins is a devilish business.”
-Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
