The Better-Half: Daddy is from Mars, Mama is from Venus.

"Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father."

-Gloria Steinem

Sound harsh? Before you coin me as an angry-feminist-man-hater-overwhelemed-frustrated-over-the-edge-crazy-stay-at-home-mom, I will let you in on something: I am all of these. Not all the time. Not everyday. Not even most of the time...But it happens. Alot.


Let's take a look at some reasons look, shall we?

1. Mama's idea of quality time with kids vs Daddy' idea
While mama googles for non-toxic-not-too-sticky-but-sticky-enough playdoh recipes and ruins 1, 2 and maybe 3 batches before she gets one small ball of pseudo playdoh, sits down with the kids and attempts to make a car, a snail or a sad ass butterfly...Daddy's version includes watching 2 and half men while proudly pointing out his boys now sing "Men, men, men, men,men, ouh ouhou, meeeeeennnnnnnn". Wow...Impressive.

2. Mama's multitasking vs Daddy's IDEA of multi-tasking
Mama can play, read, complete an assignment, talk on the phone, shop online, wash the dishes, fold some laundry and post a Facebook status update while keeping the kids happy and out of trouble while Daddy supervises the kids and...well...magic markers on the wall...Enough said.

3. Mama's ideas on disciplining versus Daddy's
Mama: I'm going to count to 3!
Daddy: Oh sorry...How many chances again?

Mama: 5 minute warning!
Daddy: Time to go! (tantrum, tantrum,tantrum)Oh right the warning!

Mama: Nope. Mama is NOT chasing you! When you are ready, you come to me!
Daddy: Running. Chasing. More running. More chasing. And roughhousing. And laughing. SERIOUSLY?!

By now you are thinking wait a minute...But the Daddy is there! Yes, he is there. Like most American fathers, he loves, adores, cherishes his children. He greets them first thing when he arrives from work, tickles them silly and reads them books. But he also needs to be advised and coached on what to make for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. To be reminded of how important it is to do a puzzle, color a picture or play in the sandbox. Not for hours and hours..Just for 15 minutes a day....like I need to be reminded of how important it is to let go.

If on Venus mamas design, create and participate in activities, monitor the television viewing and encourage independence, then on Mars, daddies play Superheroes with a side of tickles and a Happy Meal.

Mamas need to let go of control while Daddies need to take more...
Like Lois & Clarke who defied the odds and lived happily ever after.

xoxo

Twin Mama: Got anger? YOU are not alone.

Location: Home "cul-de-sac"
Time: 1:15 p.m.
Activity: Riding tricycles, oil truck delivery ahead.
Mood: Enraged

Background information
This mama has been trying to teach her twin boys to ride their tricycles ONLY on the road (not on the neighbor's driveway or lawn or worse at high speed down the other way...aka The BIG road) for a couple of months now.
One might think "Well...it's only been a couple of months! Besides they are boys after all!" To which I will just say: "No.Before the tricycle it was walking and NOT running...And LISTENING to STOP AND SLOW DOWN. SOOOOOOOO....After 2 years of feeling, sounding and acting like the Crazy screaming mother on the street...I am exasperated".
And I never learn. NEVER.
Instead of accepting defeat and confining them to their backyard (playground equiped with glider, swings, slide and pirate wheel and telescope), corn playtable,tractor&play cars, sandbox, ect) I fold as soon as they say: "Can we ride the bicycles mummy?"
When you are the mom of speech delayed children, that's what you do. You fold EVERY TIME they verbalize their wants, needs and desires. Because for so long there were no words but rather screams, screeches and tantrums....
Now back to the subject...
Both boys are riding and I notice the oil truck coming down the road. The Big one.
Note: I know he sees us and won't run us over. But part of being a mom is to teach your boys to STOP and WAIT when there is a car, truck or whatever else moves coming. STOP AND WAIT.Not difficult right?
One stops. The other? Speeds up all the while laughing towards the truck.
"STOOOOPPPPPPPPPP! STOOOOPPPPPPPPP!"
More laughing.
"STOPPPPP! NOW.!"
More speed.
His brother now gets off HIS bike and runs towards him visibly upset yelling (like his crazy mum): "YOU NEED TO STOP!".
BOINK.
Is that smoke coming from my ears?
Walk over. Blood boiling. Hands shaking. Heart pounding.
The good news is that nobody was hurt. By me or the truck.
But my mummy Ego?
Shattered. Again.
husband was home which means I was able to talk, cry and vent...Without being judged.
And if he wasn't there, a non-judgemental mother and mommy friends a phone call or text away.
But what about all the other moms who are ALONE?
NOBODY to talk to, to share their daily fears, stresses and frustrations?
This post is for YOU.
For all the mamas: What YOU do everyday has NO manual.
But most importantly can feel like defeat, shame, guilt, embarrassment and...ANGER.
And pride, excitement, happiness and success the next.
Whatever emotional wave you are riding, know one thing: You are NOT alone.
And if you do feel alone...Here are some ressources:

http://www.justmommies.com/family-life/just-for-moms/when-moms-get-angry-anger-management-tips-for-moms

http://www.vermont211.org/

Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck

xoxo

The Checkered Plate: Burger Night...Without the Burger!

It was time last night...To break out the BBQ!
Big Daddy grilled some veggie burgers while I baked some sweet potato fries..And it was great!
Of course I will not pretend it tastes just like a "real" BBQ hamburger but a couple of interesting things does happen...
1) No bloating. None.
2) No heartburn.
3) It's at least half the calories!

A couple of important points to remember:
1) USE THIS: McCormick Grill mates Montreal Steak!

No matter what kinds of burgers you decide to grill...This spice is a MUST!

2) Lots and lots of veggies and condiments! Stone ground mustard and horseradish gives it that extra kick I need in a burger!

The entire meal, including a whole wheat bun, a slice of cheese (small changes...!) and the sweet potato fries, was 558 calories!

But the best part was no discomfort afterwards. None.

Big Daddy gives it 5 "Bites"!

Bon Appetit!

xoxo

The Checkered Plate: Veggie Spaghetti

Nothing is easier than a vegetarian spaghetti sauce...All you need is one can of crushed tomatoes & tomato paste (Nothing beats Contadina's with Italian herbs!), all the veggies you want to use: I use celery, carrots, onions & lots of garlic. To cut the acidity I use one tablespoon of Brown sugar and for even more flavor 1/2 cup of dry red wine. As for herbs, my favorite is "Gourmet Garden's" Italian herbs, oregano & Basil.

Veggies being Veggies so this recipe is EXTREMELY calorie friendly :)

For pasta I use whole wheat Price Chopper brand!

The entire meal shouldn't be more than 300 calories and great for you heart!

Bon Appetit!

xoxo

The Checkered Plate: Best chocolate chip cookies

If you are looking for the BEST chocolate chip cookies...THIS IS IT!

You can find it here: http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/best-chocolate-chip-cookies/Detail.aspx

I originally wanted to make these Vegan...By substituting the butter, eggs and chocolate with mock butter, egg replacer and carob...BUT couldn't find the carob chips. So I used the Price Chopper semi-sweet chocolate chips...2 out of 3 ain't bad! Small ch-ch-changes....;)

That said...These are NOT calorie friendly but Big Daddy and Wild Things approved!

Big Daddy gives it 5 "Bites" and so do his "helpers"!

Note: You can substitute the white sugar for Splenda (I did not...I cannot stand the taste in baked goods) and the white flour for enriched non-bleached flour to make it a healthier option!


http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-calculator.asp

24 Servings (Amount Per Serving)

Calories 204.1
Total Fat 6.1 g
Saturated Fat 2.6 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0.1 g
Monounsaturated Fat 0.0 g
Cholesterol 15.8 mg
Sodium 69.1 mg
Potassium 49.2 mg
Total Carbohydrate 39.7 g
Dietary Fiber 1.1 g
Sugars 20.6 g
Protein 2.8 g
Vitamin A 0.5 %
Vitamin B-12 0.0 %
Vitamin B-6 0.3 %
Vitamin C 0.0 %
Vitamin D 0.0 %
Vitamin E 0.0 %
Calcium 1.3 %
Copper 2.4 %
Folate 7.1 %
Iron 5.3 %
Magnesium 1.5 %
Manganese 6.9 %
Niacin 4.6 %
Pantothenic Acid 0.7 %
Phosphorus 2.0 %
Riboflavin 4.7 %
Selenium 7.9 %
Thiamin 8.2 %
Zinc 0.7 %

The Checkered Plate: Crispy Sweet&Sour Tofu

For those of view following my blog, I have been on a journey since January 1st, 2011: Physically, emotionally and spiritually....What began as a weight loss journey is becoming a Wellness Journey...On every level.
Here you will find my favorite recipes as well as their nutritional values...

Bon Appetit!

xoxo



Sweet&Sour Tofu

http://veganyumyum.com/2007/04/crispy-sweet-and-sour-tofu/

Tricky one. Big Daddy approved which indicates it was yummy!
I did not realize it called for peanut oil...MAJOR calories. And the tofu needed to be fry...MORE calories. If you do attempt this one, cut your tofu in small cubes and fry them in small batches (It won't look like the picture but frying them too big will make them crumble!)
I laid it on a bed of whole wheat rice and frozen vegetables, topped with lots of sesame seeds!

Big Daddy gives it to 2.5 "Bites"

Note: Bites is our rating system ;)

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-calculator.asp

4 Servings


Amount Per Serving

Calories 516.8
Total Fat 20.8 g
Saturated Fat 3.3 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 8.3 g
Monounsaturated Fat 7.8 g
Cholesterol 0.1 mg
Sodium 834.9 mg
Potassium 281.5 mg
Total Carbohydrate 76.4 g
Dietary Fiber 2.0 g
Sugars 11.9 g
Protein 16.2 g
Vitamin A 11.1 %
Vitamin B-12 2.5 %
Vitamin B-6 4.6 %
Vitamin C 18.4 %
Vitamin D 1.3 %
Vitamin E 9.2 %
Calcium 15.1 %
Copper 12.5 %
Folate 21.8 %
Iron 22.2 %
Magnesium 23.6 %
Manganese 58.6 %
Niacin 9.7 %
Pantothenic Acid 2.3 %
Phosphorus 19.9 %
Riboflavin 9.1 %
Selenium 23.6 %
Thiamin 17.5 %
Zinc 9.2 %

Ch-Ch-Changes.

Sex and the City
Season 3: Episode 13
"Escape from New York"

Miranda: " Maybe it's time I stopped being so angry."
Carrie: "Yah. But what would you do with all your free time?"

Click @ 17:20:





Why is change so difficult? But more importantly why are we so reluctant to modify our habitual habits that make us anxious, fat, sick, anguished and a slave to our own misery?
We are so conditioned to be miserable that we have even made a hobby out of mocking it.

Exhibit A:
Morning routine: 3 cups of bold coffee versus 10 minutes of meditation. Sure coffee wakes me up...For a couple of hours. Until the afternoon when I need one more cup. And another.

Exhibit B:
People, places & Judgement. Lots and lots of judgement. I have come to the painful realization that the less comfortable I am somewhere and the more ignorant I am on a certain topic increases my inner Judge Judy to it's full maximum: Which fuels the ignorance and the sense of inferiority. The result? Anger, guilt and embarrassment.

Exhibit C:
Buddhism, Vegetarianism and even backyard chickens makes us scared, suspicious and oh so uncomfortable. Yet depression, anxiety and general "unwellness" inspire compassion, a sense of humor and the basis for the television and movie industry...And Blogs.

The truth is there are no "how to" manuals for change. Only when one is sick and tired of being sick and tired can the wheels of change be put in to motion. Once the wheels start turning, more changes occur and that is when True Change can start: The awareness that change has begun.

Change is good...Only time can tell.

xoxo

"Kinder"...One habit at a time...

Myth or Reality?

1. Elissa has not eaten meat for the last 2 months (minus two relapses...One involving America's favorite Colonel the other involving America's favorite Ronnie)?

2. Elissa has not drank any cow milk and switched to Soy Milk? (This one was easy on the milk front but continues to be extremely difficult on the cheese one!)

3. Elissa has been looking at this http://www.backyardchickens.com/ and even went to visit http://www.tractorsupply.com/content/knowhow/livestockcare/livestock_care_raising_poultry_expert_advice?cm_mmc=In-Store_Event-_-Chick_Days-_-BAN_TOP-_-20110411 to find out more...

Most of you who know me are either thinking:

a) BHAAAAAA!!!She must be really bored!
b) Elissa's on one of her new trips again...
c) I am worried about Elissa...This might be serious!

The truth is I have always "flirted" with vegetarianism...I remember one minute LOVING eating my way though a T-Bone steak and then being repulsed by it...Back and forth, back and forth until a couple of months ago when I saw a PETA clip online and was simply HORRIFIED.

Horrified by the cow and chicken industry and then mortified by never knowing if the meat I purchased had been neglected and tortured before being slaughtered.
Some say animals are made to be eaten and they might be right...I just don't believe animals should be tortured and abused which is why I simply can no longer support such a cruel industry.

That said there is a certain assumption which I believed in for years (and made fun of) that a person who is a vegetarian and no longer ok's fur, leather, make-up that tests on animals must wear Birkenstocks, never ever shave their arm pits or legs again, have long stringy hair or a messy beard and well be...Crunchy.

I simply cannot go down that road.
I love shoes.
I love make-up and nail polish and dying my hair. (When I can!)
I do not like Birkenstocks.
I believe in modern medicine and will give my sons Tylenol if they have a fever instead of nfusing oils.
I have vaccinated my children.
I love purses. Lots and lots of purses.

So what then?

I have to thank Alicia Silverstone for this great website http://www.thekindlife.com/ where anything from recipe ideas to where to buy handbags are a click away!
I also want to thank her because she talks about being "Kinder" as a process not a journey which empowers me to make little tweaks at a time:

1. No more meat and dairy: My trick has been to modify my old recipes using tofu, beans and lots of veggies...(almost there...Must try vegan cheeses..)

2. No more plastic bags (Must keep those reusable bags in the trunk and USE them!)

3. Continue to grow my garden this year (Last year's cucumbers and pumpkins were a success!)

4. Finish my self-care products and find some animal and planet friendly ones....WITHOUT breaking the bank!

5. Clothes: No more leather....Here's hoping for pleather!

Maybe it was having L&L that makes me more aware but whatever it is...I have always wanted to be kinder anyway.

Dear Scale,

YOU have been put in a MUCH NEEDED Time-out.
Oh please don't act so surprised!
Your acting out lately has been unacceptable and completely unfair...
You ignore any direction ("no, no! Go down!)
You refuse to co-operate ("I SAID NOOOOOOOOO!)
You comply one minute and rebel the next (-12...Now -7?!...I HATE YOU!)
God forbid you should acknowledge Bikram's or NordicTrack's collaboration on this very important matter: My Health.
And frankly your number scattering and beeping is simply annoying.
You are toxic to my well-being.
When you can act responsibly you can come back upstairs.
See you in 30 days,
xoxo

Oh, you think 30 days in excessive do you? Well after 23 years of your ups, downs and meltdowns I think I not!

Inspiration of the Week...Mama Warrior

Good morning,

This Buddhism stuff has really been making me think...Really think about how deluded we let ourselves become with stories we tell ourselves about who we "think" we are, who others are (or sometimes even think!) but most of all what we miss out during the fog of delusion: The present moment.

In my book du jour "Letting go of the person you used to be" by Lama Surya Das, he talks about bringing ourselves back to the present moment through breathing and also through daily audio cues like the sound of an airplane, the barking of a dog or...Twin boys creating chaos?

Of course that makes me think "oh poor me, no second (!) car to go out with the boys and stuck (ouch!) at home with them...." Stop. Breathe. Come back to the present moment.Healthy, happy and curious boys who LOVE LIFE...What is better than that?

Then I think about moms who have had REALLY difficult...Like this one...And who never once gave up...One moment at a time...

xoxo



http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Meet-a-Mother-Warrior

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/A-Day-in-the-Life-of-a-Warrior-Mom-Video

Coming Soon...

Big Daddy will be contributing to this blog...


Stay Tuned!

Elissa
xoxo