An open letter...

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

I have been reading a lot about Karma these days to try and understand why some have it all, some have nothing, some can't see they have it all and are miserable, some don't have much and are content and then the rest of us in the middle who feel blessed, bitter, happy and unhappy...All in one day.

A common idea about Karma is that for every thought, word and action, there is a consequence. For example, you smile at the overwhelmed mom at the grocery store who is juggling her kids, the cookie bag and the juice..And not only does she smile back but she nods as if to say "Thanks...You get it, don't you?". Chances are she will do the same later one and brighten someone else's spirit, just like someone did for you.

However, when someone cuts you off on the road; This small act of "disrespect" translates into a personal attack in which you will get even. A split second later you are filled with anger, resentment and the need for vengence. Chances are this person will do the same and ruin their day as well, just like someone did for you.

Pehaps this why we say "Karma is a bitch!"? That said if we think, talk and act like she is a Bitch...Then the Bitch will strike back. Over and over again. Ouch.

But Karma is not a bitch. The Ego is. The Ego who reacts to every single word or gesture and who thrives on it. The Ego loves to react because it is about ME, ME, ME AND ONLY ME.

Another common theory regarding Ego is that outflow determines inflow. This is a difficult one to accept and live by. But if we take the time to look around us, we see it is in fact a reality.

It is one thing to let the ego take the wheel and ruin your day over a stranger's actions (which might have not been intentional...But the Ego can't fantom this...It's all about ME!), but what about the times you let the Ego ruin not only your day, your drive or your night out...But relationships and friendships?

An unreturned phone call translates into an obvious declaration of disregard.
A misunderstanding becomes The End of laughter, closeness and loyalty.
An argument becomes the stamp that seals The End of The Road.
A road, although not always smooth, but always brought you back...Home.

I should know. I am guilty of it all.

I am sorry I didn't call back. Over and over again.
I am sorry I didn't put the time, energy and my heart into Us.
I am sorry I talked without thinking, acted without contemplating and reacted without taking the time to Stop.
I am sorry.

It would be easy for me to blame the lack of "outflow" to Motherhood. Although it certainly has not facilitated the abundance that was once my circle of Friends, looking back I wasn't always there. Even to some of were always there for me.

In the last 4 years (actually 3, the first is a blur), I am proud to say I have put my children First and don't regret any of it. Their needs, their well-being and their Joy.

And their speech, self-regulation and behavioral issues.
And their constant need for supervision and direction.
And their relentless all day energy and difficulty sleeping at night.


What I do regret is putting everyone Last.
My husband.
My Old circle of Friends which rests in a frame as a happy memory.
Members of My Family and my husband's when my Ego took charge.
And Myself.

Of course some circumstances and events can't be changed as The Writing was always on the Wall.
You can't force compatibility.
Nor can you force The Impossible.
The only option is to Reach out.


Reaching out is the First Step to balance out the inflow and the outflow.
Reaching out can be the Beginning of Another chance or it can be the Final stop at the destination called Friendship.

Expectations need to be left behind.
Besides...Actions are louder than words.

Namaste xox