Rock Bottom.

There is a saying within popular 12 step programs that once you have really and truly hit "Rock Bottom", you can only go up from there. If you want to. If you dedicate yourself to your own well-being, recovery and true self. Drinking, gambling, drugging, shopping, eating are all accepted addictions in today's society (to a certain point, of course) where one can find a support group, a sponsor, a mentor and much needed guidance to get better. 24 hours a day. One day at a time.
But what about the addiction to doubt, analyze and berate yourself as a Mother. A wife. A friend. A daughter. A productive member of this society?
Self-help books can help. Supportive friends can offer a shoulder and an ear until you feel like you are becoming toxic to their well-being and then the viscious cycle stats over again. Time can heal wounds but too much time can wreck your mind...And your body.
If I have learned anything in the last 4 years is that judgement is toxic.
Nothing can remain the same; The Good and the Bad.
If we are lucky enough to have the strength to keep on moving through pain, losses and experiences, we can come out aware and dare I say hopeful.
If I have learned anything in the last 2 weeks is that aiming for goals, achievements and success is only truly ever possible if I take care of me.
Bucket lists and dreams can be a wonderful guide for your well-being, but nothing is more important than your health.
There is nothing more frightening than watching your children suffer from any kinds of pains, but having to stop everything because you can no longer go on brings in to another level.
In the last couple of weeks, my body broke down.
Complete exhaustion with serious health scares stopped me right in my tracks.
Realizing how lucky I am to have a partner who stopped with me and a mother who paused her own life traveled to take care of her sick daughter to make her soup and old friend who answered a text in the middle of the night to reassure me during an Er TRIP is more than some people have or might ever have.
But perhaps the most wonderful turn out is that through everything I am still able to see the beauty of it all...And be Thankful.
According to Maslow, basic needs are to be met first for one to strive and achieve more.
Back to Basics it is.
Perhaps Breaking down is a scary and unsettling reality but still wanting to get back up is the magic that really happens.
No wands or fluffy bunnies required...Just the present moment...And a little help from my village. A small village perhaps, but a strong and loving village nonetheless.
A new addition to this village thanks to Care.com where I found a young, energetic, creative and loving sitter who will come 3 mornings a week to facilitate my recovery to myself, my children and my husband.

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." ~Henry Ford~

Maybe it is called rock bottom because you feel like you are under a rock. Unable to get up. But maybe it is called rock bottom because no matter how stuck you feel, your are strong like a rock and come out even stronger.

Namaste xox