"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."
Ahhh....What a beautifull, insipring and powerfull quote...WRONG!!! These are the types of quotes that fuel guilt, anxiety and all around misery in a mother's heart...What if she wants the pie? What if this mom were to cut the four pieces and make them into 5 pieces? Would she be a bad mom for not letting her kids eat their full piece of pie? Or would she teach her children that sharing to please EVERYONE (YES, that includes herself)is what family is all about?
For the last 2 and half years I have compared, judged, disapointed, critisized and berated myself...to other moms.
The mom whose house is so clean you can eat on her bathroom floor...
The mom who looks so thrilled to be playing outside in the snow..even when she probably can't feel her toes!
The mom who bakes those fluffly yummy homemade raisin oatmeal cookies (as opposed to store bought chocolate chip cookies...who come out burnt or flat as a mini pancake!)
The mom who manages to wear make-up, straigten her hair and manage to keep in style! (As opposed to rockin the "out of bed " look which really only ever looked good on Farah Fawcett and is still wearing a maternity top...the twins will be 3!)
The mother who not only bakes the pie from scratch but doesn't eat any as there are only 4 pieces...
After reading "Finding your mothering style for your personality type, EVERYTHING is in perspective for me...Finally.
I am an Extrovert...(Really?!) What energizes me? SEING, TALKING AND INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE! What drains me? ISOLATION AND LACK OF INTERACTION...Eureka!!
Being an ENFP mother(Extrovert, Intuitive, feeling and perceptive) I now know my REAL strenghts and struggles...
- I give the kids as many socialand learning oppurtunities I can! Not only do I NEED it, through playdates, playgroups and week-end family outings, the boys are being exposed to alot of people, places and activities :)
- I am there for the boys UNCONDITIONALLY. When they are hurt, sad, angry, happy, scared or need a hug, as a feeling mom I am not only willing to comfort and show them love but I...Love to do it.
- Because it is hard for me to choose between "doing" with the kids and keeping up with the house, friends and family members. Result: Piles of laundry (clean but still a pile!), not talking to people I love for way to long (aka too tired to talk!)and feeling disorganized...
- Because I make the most of my mornings (playing, hosting or going to playgroups) I need to recharge at some point...AKA the nap!
So what does all this mean?
It means I now make a daily checklist (no more than 3 tasks to promote succes!), don't feel guilty anymore about relaxing during nap time and understand why I am emotionally drained at the end of the day...I give my ALL to the boys and sometimes without recharging my battery (talking and seing people, going out somewhere,ect)which is when I become the ATM mother..(Angry, tired and mad!)It means every day I should make an effort to get out of the house BY MYSELF...
It means respecting who I am, balancing my needs, wants and to-do list and honnoring myself.
It means loving the twins mom as much as they...love her.
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power."
P.S. I like pie ;)