I have been trying and trying and failing and failing to lose the extra 40 (maybe even 50)pounds I have been uncomfortably lugging around my body for the past 3 years. I gained 90 pounds (ok you can close your mouth now) during the twin pregnancy and lost 70 almost immediatly.
Right now you are doing the math and wondering if I missed something in HS?
I had been on WW successfully for almost 2 years when I got pregnant with the boys. But I still wasnt at my goal weight. The magic 140 number.
Why 140?
140 is when I was graduating high school. I had lost 30 pounds after exercising and dieting religiously. I even died my hair blonde to celebrate. Made my father real proud. Was too busy figthing with mom to notice if she was proud or not.
People noticed me. Everyone noticed me. My Grandmother was so thrilled that I was getting thin, I dont think I had seen her this happy in years when we met at the local mall.
The year was 1992 and would forever be stuck in my heart, my head and my body. This is the year my life would never be the same.
The year my dad left. The year my grandfather died.The year the infamous boyfriend and I broke up. The year I changed schools. The year I made new friends. The year I was lost. The year I got stuck. The year I made a friend who never judged, abandoned or rejected me. The year I discoveed food.
1992 was such a powerfull year that certain places, people, smells and sounds transport me back to this time of confusion and pain.
So strong that I have avoided people, places, smells and sounds to avoid hopping on the 1992 rollercoaster ride.
Yet still the magic number of 140 is so seductive rather than torturous as the year was.
I need to go back. Go back in time and figure out how to get the hell of the 1992 ride so I can finally hop on the NOW ride...
One ticket for NOW please.
xox
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