But I have started a New Journey in the last couple of days.
A journey in which I catch myself drifting away in the past or anxiously awaiting what lies ahead and ground myself to the present.
This is what is looks like:
Me pushing the boys on the swings at the park this morning. My body is present, arms pushing and feet firmly planted on the ground.
But my Mind...Way way out there.
"Why did I say that?" "I hope I can do this by this time" "Argh my arms are wobbling" "Still havent lost my 40 pounds, I suck"...
When I am finally able to shut my thoughts off "QUIETTTT!", take a deep breath or two and open my eyes I don't see my wobbly arms anymore. Am not ashamed of my body or paranoid about what I have said or done in the past.
I am right here pushing the boys who are laughing, pointing to the birds on the tree branch, and trying to sing "Frere Jaques" quith me.
Right here. Right now. The sky, the air, the sun, the clouds, the birds, the giggles, my breath. This is Life.
No what if's. No Bullshit. No excuses. Just Life.
So I may not be there yet but I am one step forward.
And that is what Life is all about. Moving ahead. Being Free. From the past and the future. Just being here. Now.