Its been a while since my last post, been super busy with school, working, and the twins of course!
The boys are as active as ever not giving us much of a break: They get up and go to bed as the Energizer Bunny and sometimes don't nap... (like yesterday...fun!)I am coming to accept that this is who they are with a guilty wish that they would somehow press on the brakes a little!
Because the constant running around, re-directing and disiplining, hubby and I are either on the same page or at odds...
Its not that were arent on the same page generally, but we are both different individuals who have a different view and way of seing and dealing with issues as they arise and this creates : More Chaos!
More chaos creates more distance and more distance creates a Void.
The Void starts out slowly...
Introducing himself as tiredness and confusion, the Void slowly takes over your married life. Too tired to talk, too tired to watch a movie together, too tired to just be together.
The the Void gets real comfortable as anger, resentment and selfishness. Resentfull that he gets to go to work every day while I am here all day with the boys, angry that we still dont have a second car and that my life has changed completely in every area and feeling selfish because during every moment of break I have, I seem to want to spend it by myself or with friends.
Of course, guilt feels right at home during all this and then the viscious cycle begins all over again...
But the issue is not who we are, the issue is who we have become.
How can a couple remain tight on every level when they become parents when parenting has changed them to their core?
How can two people who had all the time in world to satisfy themselves individually and as a couple contiue to grow as parents?
The rates on divorce are scary.
But sometimes I wonder:Do people really take the time to know each other all over again?
How can we expect to grow old together and live happily ever after if we dont connect to each other after every life changing event...like the birth of our twins?
For the last 2 years I have been trying to find a way to put myself first without much success...
Maybe my husband has the key for this success and we can both put each other first...Together again.
"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."