The last couple of days have been a little crazy here at the Zoo!
School started, I went to a movie with a friend (last time was in 2006...), went out with our twin club and...Had a HUGE meltdown...Not all in that order ;)
First things first, school. My credits from Canada have been transfered in the U.S. system (kinda like currency exchange for credits) and I only need 20 something credits to earn my BA.
So I decided this year would be the year that I would complete my degree and go for my MA afterwards so when the twins do start school I will be abe to have a decent job...
I always have these wonderfull ideas coupled with these even more wonderfull visions;
Mommy doing her readings at the kitchen table while Twin A watches some Sesame street and Twin B plays with one of his gazillion toys...Mommy going to the library when Daddy gets home from work so she can continue her readings and do her homework...I thought I had learned my lessons on basing my decisions on these wonderfull visions when I was pregnant...
Ah these pregnancy visions...
Me dressed in A Pea in A Pod clutching my tall decaf caramel Machiato no whip glowing meeting some friends for dinner...
Me dressed in GAP maternity exercise clothes flowing through a prenatal vynyasa yoga class...
And my favorite vision of all...
Molding my pregnant belly and displaying it..in the living room.
Didnt happen. Didnt care. Not interested.
A pea in the Pod clothes? Too fat too soon.
Flowing through a prenatal yoga class? No classes available. See to go to these classes you already have to be a stay at home mom who apprently has either a nanny, a sitter or a retired mother who never has annyhting to do during the week because all thrse classes were scheduled at 9:30...am...on a Thursday.
I was too sick anyway to even think about going to a class but the option would have been nice ;)
The belly Mold.
My expanding belly growing wider and bigger by the day...also excrutiatingly ITCHY by the day and more UNCOMFORTABLE by the day...I could barely stand (litteraly!) anyone touching it let alone a funky artist spreading gunk all over me and telling me how wonderfull I am for doing this...
And Really...Who would have wanted to look at it in the living room???
So why is it that we let ourselves believe these visions?
I think I have always had a knack for it...The time I moved out of my college dorm to move in with my bf so we could do our homework togehor every night...(dropped out of college a month later), the time I decided to do 4 things at once to please everyone (respite, trainning a respite worker, picking up camp counselors, attending a workshop = Major car crash. (nobody hurt but extremely shook up) I think you get my point!
So now my new vision is me completing my classes...I am barely surviving just taking care of the twins, keeping up with the house work, launching our twin club, trying to lose weight (I just finished a bowl of Rocky Road...) WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???
Going back to school couple with wshing the floors, lack of sleep and Twin B refusing to play in his own backyard filled toys, sprinklers and slides made me...LOSE IT.
What does all of this have to do with today's title?
Everyhting.
Tonight it occured to me that the twins yell, scream, cry and hit and bite to communicate.
Hubby and I do the same. (Sans Bitting and hitting but the intensity is there nonetheless)
Dan pisses me off;I yell. Dan annoys me; I yell.
Dan and Twins dont listen and act out; I yell.
Dan is not a yeller...He is a mumbler. Not under your breath kind of annoying mumbler but loud and agressive mumbling that sets me off even more. I can only describe the mumbling and my reaction as a match being thrown on a gallon of spilled gas.
When you are a mother it is so easy to always second guess yourself and blame yourself for never doing enough. I am relieved that I am doing neither. I am stepping back, taking a deep breath and making a conscious effort to improve my communication skills...
Tonight I watched instead of directed, I thought instead of reacting and I listened.
So I might not be a bitter like Twin B but sometimes words can bite just the same.
Oh and if you are wondering what movie I saw..Julie and Julia!
Bon Apetit!
E
DomesticEngineer2twins...One day at a time.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Keeping it simple...and easy!
Wow...
I actually feel refreshed, energised and dare I say less burned out???
Yesterday I got to hang out with one of the twins while daddy took the other one out for some errands...
No fighting.
No bitting.
No scratching.
No yelling.
No whinning.
No tantrums.
Pure bliss!
My son and I watched some old school sesame street togethor, folded some laundry and just spent some time togethor.
A couple of things popped up in my head;
The first; I did not feel guilty for not "doing" something with my son. I just enjoyed the moment. We cuddled, we watched a dvd togethor, we shared a simple task of folding laundry (well he kinda just watched...!) side by side.
The second;
The kids need a break from each other...regurlarly.
My husband and I have always tried to do individual activities on the week-ends...we have done it 3 times.
Our next family goal is to keep it simple on week-ends and go our seperate ways.
We need it.the boys need it.IT IS NEEDED ASAP!!!
As a mother of twins I am so used to being with both of them all the time that I actually experience anxiety when they are not both with me...
What I came to realize this week-end is that when we are all togethor I experienced anxiety anyway as the boys fight, the stress levels rise and BAM! Everyone is miserable and fighting anyway!
Keeping it simple=Keeping sane!!!
E
I actually feel refreshed, energised and dare I say less burned out???
Yesterday I got to hang out with one of the twins while daddy took the other one out for some errands...
No fighting.
No bitting.
No scratching.
No yelling.
No whinning.
No tantrums.
Pure bliss!
My son and I watched some old school sesame street togethor, folded some laundry and just spent some time togethor.
A couple of things popped up in my head;
The first; I did not feel guilty for not "doing" something with my son. I just enjoyed the moment. We cuddled, we watched a dvd togethor, we shared a simple task of folding laundry (well he kinda just watched...!) side by side.
The second;
The kids need a break from each other...regurlarly.
My husband and I have always tried to do individual activities on the week-ends...we have done it 3 times.
Our next family goal is to keep it simple on week-ends and go our seperate ways.
We need it.the boys need it.IT IS NEEDED ASAP!!!
As a mother of twins I am so used to being with both of them all the time that I actually experience anxiety when they are not both with me...
What I came to realize this week-end is that when we are all togethor I experienced anxiety anyway as the boys fight, the stress levels rise and BAM! Everyone is miserable and fighting anyway!
Keeping it simple=Keeping sane!!!
E
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Relaxation...sign me up!
Saturday Morning routine; Went to the corner store to get my french vanilla coffee (was very good and did not give in the temptation to buy those giant yummy chocolate chip cookies...
Got home and drank my coffee on the deck with the paper next to my hubby and the twins.
The twins were playing by themselves whis was nice and Dan and I were able to just talk and dare I say...chiil out?
And then it hit me, ever since the twins have been born I havent been able to just les go and just be.
The only time I relax is during part of nap time where I read and at night when the boys are in bed and I watch tv or browse the internet...
But is that really relaxation or is it my body and mind crashing and recovering for the next shift?
What about the ability to trully unwind, savor the moment, take a breather, fully replenish ourselves not just as a mom but a woman, a wife, a domestic engineer,whatever!
Since the twins have been born I can honnestly say that I have not had the chance to REALLY unwind from my everyday chaos.
Yes I have been on a couple of getaway 2 day trips usually to a friend's house but to really just sit there and not worry about annything and feeling energized again...not happened yet.
Some will think "what did you expect would happen when you became a parent" and to that I answer:
I expected long stroller walks in the park, going to restaurant as a family and looking like we are in those Friendly's commercials, cuddling in bed at night as a family...I HAD NO IDEA!!!
Parenthood is the most hands down humbling experience one will ever go through and until you are one you just dont get it!
I always say I was the perfect mom until I became one.
So not knowing the intensity of the experiences to come as a mom how are we suppose to expect the unexpexted???
I saw an ad in the local paper this morning and there is a Dads only playgroup on Thursday nights...I digned my husband up.
My fantasy trip on Fiji Island can wait...For now I plan on soaking in a hot bubble bath and pampering myself for a couple of hours every Thursday night.
Now I just need to re-learn how to let go while in the tub ;)
E
Got home and drank my coffee on the deck with the paper next to my hubby and the twins.
The twins were playing by themselves whis was nice and Dan and I were able to just talk and dare I say...chiil out?
And then it hit me, ever since the twins have been born I havent been able to just les go and just be.
The only time I relax is during part of nap time where I read and at night when the boys are in bed and I watch tv or browse the internet...
But is that really relaxation or is it my body and mind crashing and recovering for the next shift?
What about the ability to trully unwind, savor the moment, take a breather, fully replenish ourselves not just as a mom but a woman, a wife, a domestic engineer,whatever!
Since the twins have been born I can honnestly say that I have not had the chance to REALLY unwind from my everyday chaos.
Yes I have been on a couple of getaway 2 day trips usually to a friend's house but to really just sit there and not worry about annything and feeling energized again...not happened yet.
Some will think "what did you expect would happen when you became a parent" and to that I answer:
I expected long stroller walks in the park, going to restaurant as a family and looking like we are in those Friendly's commercials, cuddling in bed at night as a family...I HAD NO IDEA!!!
Parenthood is the most hands down humbling experience one will ever go through and until you are one you just dont get it!
I always say I was the perfect mom until I became one.
So not knowing the intensity of the experiences to come as a mom how are we suppose to expect the unexpexted???
I saw an ad in the local paper this morning and there is a Dads only playgroup on Thursday nights...I digned my husband up.
My fantasy trip on Fiji Island can wait...For now I plan on soaking in a hot bubble bath and pampering myself for a couple of hours every Thursday night.
Now I just need to re-learn how to let go while in the tub ;)
E
Friday, August 21, 2009
"It will get easier" and other lies we are told...!
Back to the main topic of the day...
I have been feeling sluggish and just unmotivated all week (the laundry is done but it is in a nice pile in the bedroom, the floors are clean but not washed just swiffered a little, the vacuum cleaner is on vacay...you get the point!)
The reason for feeling this Blah could be the weather (90 with humidity through the roof or rainning), our financial worries at the moment, me feeling burned out with being at home with the twins, not having a second car to get out from the house...
When you are pregnant with twins, everyone is so cheery and suportive, when you have the babies some people are very supportive and say "Dont worry honey it will get easier once they start talking!" while others will just say "OMG I dont know how you do it...", when the babies get a little older everyone stops you in the mall to let you know how cute they are, when they start walking,running, climbing, people usually laugh nervously and tell you how they know so and so and that they didnt have a life until the twins turned...5.
This is always very welcome and encouraging to hear when you havent slept a full night sleep since God knows when and you are on the verge of crying....right there...at the mall.
Let me tell you how it is ...for us(sorry very Dr.Phil-ish but so to the point!)
I dont recall it getting easier EVER. I do remember being able to walk and sleep again after finally giving birth @ 39 weeks, I do remember getting 3 hours of sleep in a row instead of 45 minutes around 3-4 months and I do remember starting to give them food straight from our table as opposed to pureing, freezing and thawing all the time...So in that sense; Yes some things have gone a little more "smooth"
I would like to know how these people who claim it will get easier get their ideas!
I think we confuse encouraging and misleading moms and dads by saying these things...
When I meet a new mom of twins I LISTEN.
Please just LISTEN to the new mom who is pouring herself out to you and be there for her. Some advice is welcome (toilet training.,toothbrushing,diaper rash,...) but wait until it is ASKED FOR!
And please never say "It will get easier..."ever again.Never.
E
I have been feeling sluggish and just unmotivated all week (the laundry is done but it is in a nice pile in the bedroom, the floors are clean but not washed just swiffered a little, the vacuum cleaner is on vacay...you get the point!)
The reason for feeling this Blah could be the weather (90 with humidity through the roof or rainning), our financial worries at the moment, me feeling burned out with being at home with the twins, not having a second car to get out from the house...
When you are pregnant with twins, everyone is so cheery and suportive, when you have the babies some people are very supportive and say "Dont worry honey it will get easier once they start talking!" while others will just say "OMG I dont know how you do it...", when the babies get a little older everyone stops you in the mall to let you know how cute they are, when they start walking,running, climbing, people usually laugh nervously and tell you how they know so and so and that they didnt have a life until the twins turned...5.
This is always very welcome and encouraging to hear when you havent slept a full night sleep since God knows when and you are on the verge of crying....right there...at the mall.
Let me tell you how it is ...for us(sorry very Dr.Phil-ish but so to the point!)
I dont recall it getting easier EVER. I do remember being able to walk and sleep again after finally giving birth @ 39 weeks, I do remember getting 3 hours of sleep in a row instead of 45 minutes around 3-4 months and I do remember starting to give them food straight from our table as opposed to pureing, freezing and thawing all the time...So in that sense; Yes some things have gone a little more "smooth"
I would like to know how these people who claim it will get easier get their ideas!
I think we confuse encouraging and misleading moms and dads by saying these things...
When I meet a new mom of twins I LISTEN.
Please just LISTEN to the new mom who is pouring herself out to you and be there for her. Some advice is welcome (toilet training.,toothbrushing,diaper rash,...) but wait until it is ASKED FOR!
And please never say "It will get easier..."ever again.Never.
E
"It will get easier" and other lies we are told...!
Welcome to my Blog!
This is my first time so hopefully it will get more interesting as the days go by!
My name is Elissa and I am a mother of toddler twin boys. I am a wife to a great man, the daughter or a kooky mother and a Special Care Counselor by training. (Special Ed)
However, I seem to think more of myself these days as a " worn out mom who is trying to find herself again in this mommy world."
I am originally from Canada (Montreal) and sometimes I feel the cultural differences living in the U.S.A. The cultural shock was not too drastic as I moved to New England but I sometimes wich I was back home for the language, the food, the humor, the values and my old circle of friends. (Which is not so much of a circle as an open ended question at the moment)
What I wish to accomplish with this Blog is to connect, identify and maybe even bring (and get) some clarity in my sometimes overwhelming daily struggles (and success!)
Allons y!
(here we go...a little too Oprah-ish...!)
E
This is my first time so hopefully it will get more interesting as the days go by!
My name is Elissa and I am a mother of toddler twin boys. I am a wife to a great man, the daughter or a kooky mother and a Special Care Counselor by training. (Special Ed)
However, I seem to think more of myself these days as a " worn out mom who is trying to find herself again in this mommy world."
I am originally from Canada (Montreal) and sometimes I feel the cultural differences living in the U.S.A. The cultural shock was not too drastic as I moved to New England but I sometimes wich I was back home for the language, the food, the humor, the values and my old circle of friends. (Which is not so much of a circle as an open ended question at the moment)
What I wish to accomplish with this Blog is to connect, identify and maybe even bring (and get) some clarity in my sometimes overwhelming daily struggles (and success!)
Allons y!
(here we go...a little too Oprah-ish...!)
E
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